Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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