so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
