tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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