just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
