If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I enjoy the company of your penis
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