This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
