I'm really into asian looking animals
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
