Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
