Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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