just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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