I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
