it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Welp...herpes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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