I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
one might say we're banned from that church
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
