his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
