why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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