it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
