When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
