sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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