I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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