We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
