fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
