in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
