Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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