do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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