I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
