never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina is very pro this idea
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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