Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
