She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize