Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize