I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
