So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
