Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
