This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
