She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
