He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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