that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
