dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
