That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
