So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
