when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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