i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I love you.
Bad choice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
