I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
