dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
