I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
