it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
