Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
