I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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