Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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