Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
