I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
