hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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