More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
