I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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