The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
