The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
