Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
