I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
