i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
