I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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