Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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