My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
