I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
