Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
