Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
