alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
