piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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