I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
