soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
