Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
