Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
