Im at strip club and am horny
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This baby is an asshole
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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