i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
