Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
