3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
