He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
