I think I am morally bankrupt
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize