I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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