I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
