I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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