just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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