i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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