we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
