The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
