Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
