The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
