dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
