is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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