2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
