So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
