She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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